Children are innocent. Pure. Untouched. They don’t understand the true horrors of the world. They see the beauty in the simplest of things. The only monsters are the ones that mommy and daddy can protect them from. Some of us grow up sooner than others. When we do, we realize that the world is a scary place. Mommy and daddy can’t protect us from all the bombs, guns, terrorists, rapists, kidnappers, and bullies. By then, we know that the monsters don’t live under the bed. They live among us. The monsters infest our head and fill them with fear.
I grew up at a very young age. I was bullied all throughout elementary school and most of middle school. When i was in elementary school, i lived in a bad neighborhood. Broken down houses, kidnappings, poverty. My earliest memories of are that place. No one liked me because I was different. I had been born in Argentina and my family moved to the states when I was 2. I didn’t speak much English because most of my interactions were with my Spanish-speaking parents. I had a heavy accent and I was teased because of it. No one wanted to talk with the Spanish girl because you could barely understand her! She wasn’t white and she wasn’t black, she was just the in-between freak. She didn’t eat the lunch food because she brought weird Spanish food that no one knew about. She studied all the time and got high grades in every class so she was a creepy nerd with no life. The first time I cried myself to sleep after the first time I got punched, my parents heard and tried to see what was wrong. I lied to them. From then on I learned to cry silently because I didn’t want to let my parents see the things these kids did to me. I didn’t want them to see me suffering in this country that could give them opportunities and happiness. At the end of elementary school, we moved.
It was a much better neighborhood. It was clean and safe. But it wasn’t bully-free. I still had an accent. I was painfully shy because I was scared I would be hit or made fun of again. I rarely talked and was all alone. This time, there wasn’t any physical abuse. But they would whisper. They would get together in their little groups and whisper and gossip about the freak from another country who was probably suicidal or goth. In eighth grade I finally made 2 friends. It was a tentative friendship. We didn’t hang out or share deep secrets with each other, but I was overjoyed anyway. Then we moved.
Now I’m in highschool. I’m a sophomore this year and I have about 10 friends now. I have formed deep bonds with 3 of them and I couldn’t be happier. I still get teased or made fun of every once in a while by some random senior in class but it’s better than what I was going through before. But people still don’t really like me. I seem cold, dull, and boring at first, but, if you really try to get to know me, I’m funny, friendly, smart, loyal, caring, and quirky. That’s what my 3 close friends tell me. I recently found out that one of my not-so-close friends has been posting mean things about me on her google account. She made a list of people in our “family” on a document (all 10 of us call ourselves a family and we are friends with each other). She wrote positive things about everyone. Except me. In my description (which was only added after 3 friends told her too), she wrote that I was stupid because I don’t take as many honors classes as her and because I spend my free time doing things I enjoy like watching Star Trek and embroidering whereas she spends it all studying. She brags about her sleep deprivation caused by her long nights studying whereas I get plenty of sleep. She says I am dull because she hasn’t tried to get to know me. She expects me to open up to her immediately. She says I am “ew”. She says I am not really family. She says I will never belong.
She doesn’t know about all the suicide notes I’ve written and thrown away. She doesn’t know real pain. She doesn’t know what these words do to me. She doesn’t know about the monsters in my head that I’ve tried to escape my whole life.
This is what the quote means to me. This quote tells about the monsters that plague me. This quote is the shortest and simplest way I could explain my life to you if asked.
eamo2747 said: I'm confused about what Beethoven was doing in the black composers post. He was German.
By golly gee! I keep forgetting that Black people didn’t exist until the Fresh Prince of Bel Air came on television! Or that Black people existed in anywhere else than Africa even with slavery going on :) My apologies.
Anyway, here’s proof that Beethoven was Black:
"… Said directly, Beethoven was a black man. Specifically, his mother was a Moor, that group of Muslim Northern Africans who conquered parts of Europe—making Spain their capital—for some 800 years.
In order to make such a substantial statement, presentation of verifiable evidence is compulsory. Let’s start with what some of Beethoven’s contemporaries and biographers say about his brown complexion:
(Louis Letronne, Beethoven, 1814, pencil drawing.)
"Frederick Hertz, German anthropologist, used these terms to describe him: ‘Negroid traits, dark skin, flat, thick nose.’
Emil Ludwig, in his book ‘Beethoven,’ says: ‘His face reveals no trace of the German. He was so dark that people dubbed him Spagnol [dark-skinned].’
Fanny Giannatasio del Rio, in her book ‘An Unrequited Love: An Episode in the Life of Beethoven,’ wrote ‘His somewhat flat broad nose and rather wide mouth, his small piercing eyes and swarthy [dark] complexion, pockmarked into the bargain, gave him a strong resemblance to a mulatto.’Beethoven’s death mask: profile and full face
C. Czerny stated, ‘His beard—he had not shaved for several days—made the lower part of his already brown face still darker.’
Following are one word descriptions of Beethoven from various writers: Grillparzer, ‘dark’; Bettina von Armin, ‘brown’; Schindler, ‘red and brown’; Rellstab, ‘brownish’; Gelinek, ‘short, dark.’
In Alexander Thayer’s Life of Beethoven, vol.1, p. 134, the author states, “there is none of that obscurity which exalts one to write history as he would have it and not as it really was. The facts are too patent.” On this same page, he states that the German composer Franz Josef Haydn was referred to as a “Moor” by Prince Esterhazy, and Beethoven had “even more of the Moor in his looks.’ On p. 72, a Beethoven contemporary, Gottfried Fischer, describes him as round-nosed and of dark complexion. Also, he was called ‘der Spagnol’ (the Spaniard).
Other “patent” sources, of which there are many, include, but are not limited to, Beethoven by Maynard Solomon, p.78. He is described as having “thick, bristly coal-black hair” (in today’s parlance, we proudly call it ‘kinky’) and a ‘ruddy-complexioned face.’ In Beethoven: His Life and Times by Artes Orga, p.72, Beethoven’s pupil, Carl Czerny of the ‘School of Velocity’ fame, recalls that Beethoven’s ‘coal-black hair, cut a la Titus, stood up around his head [sounds almost like an Afro]. His black beard…darkened the lower part of his dark-complexioned face.’
Engraving by Blasius Hofel, Beethoven, 1814, color facsimile of engraving after a pencil drawing by Louis Letronne. This engraving was regarded in Beethoven’s circle as particularly lifelike. Beethoven himself thought highly of it, and gave several copies to his friends.
Beethoven, the Black Spaniard(read more here)
They whitewashed BEETHOVEN? O_O
Thank you, history/fact-checking Tumblr.
I now feel the need to go burn every white-skinned image of Beethoven I can find.
beethoven was totally black! how do people not know this?
jk because erasure
I have been playing Beethoven’s music for 10+ years now and had absolutely no idea he was black.
My life has been a lie.
OH MY GOD HOLY SHIT.
I HAVE A BACHELOR DEGREE IN MUSIC, MY MAJOR WAS “MUSIC HISTORY, THEORY, AND LITERATURE”
I TOOK MULTIPLE CLASSES SPECIFICALLY IN BEETHOVEN’S STRING QUARTETS AND MY SCHOOL HAD AN INTERNATIONAL BEETHOVEN SYMPOSIUM WHERE THERE WERE PAPERS ON THINGS LIKE THE KIND OF FUCKING PAAAAAAPER HE DID HIS MANUSCRIPTS ON, IN DIFFERENT CITIES, TO SEE WHERE AND WHEN HE WROTE SPECIFIC SNIPPETS OF MUSIC.
NEVER IN MY EDUCATION OR READINGS DID I EITHER
A) NOTICE THIS
B) WAS SPECIFICALLY TOLD THIS.
I think there’s a combination of systemic racism in this, and my own internalized racism. I have, in fact, read Maynard Solomon’s biography and didn’t pick up on this. I have read the Czerny sources as well. My Beethoven teacher (Bill Kinderman) is one of the top Beethoven scholars in the world, and I don’t remember hearing any of this from him.
I even did a semester of graduate work in musicology, specifically focusing on the Beethoven string quartets (I really fucking love those things) and we never spoke about this.
I cannot say I am in any way surprised at this. I am embarrassed, angry, and upset that this was erased from my DECADES of music education.
Which doesn’t surprise me at all, because classical music is very specifically in our culture for white people, especially men, especially upper class white men.
Oof, this one is going to take a while to fully fucking digest, I am in angry tears.
Holy shit. One of the greatest musical minds of all time and he got whitewashed.
The truth needs to be spread.
Johnny Carson voice: “I did not know that.”
This isn’t the first time that I’ve read on tumblr that Beethoven was black, but I feel compelled to reblog it now because casually scrolling past evidence of erasure and noting it is not enough. I’d love to see a documentary about this.